When High School Hormones Meet HR

Recently I’ve had a number of friends who have been job searching, interviewing and, as is often the case, waiting for news from their intended target potential new employer.

Like lovelorn infatuated teenagers, my pals have been feverishly checking their email inboxes, compulsively looking for verification of missed calls (“dammit Celia, maybe my phones not working  – give me a ring to make sure my carrier isn’t dropping incoming calls again”), and wearing grooves in the floor as they’ve paced walked racked up miles careening up and down the hallways of their homes.

And just like hormone-ravaged 16 year old girls they have lived and DIED (a thousand deaths !!11!!1!!) after each interaction.  Interpreting the nuance in each comment made pre, during or post-interview, dissecting the intent in the sentence structure of each response email and studiously searching for meaning in the voice inflection of the nice HR Lady or Hiring Manager during a phone call.

• “OMG, he called me!!” (“They want to schedule an interview!  I’ve got to post this on Facebook!”)
• “I don’t want to seem too eager; I’ll wait at least a few hours before I return the phone call.” (“I don’t want them to think they’re the only game in town but I really want to work there!”)
• “I’m going to go drive by his house to see if he’s in his yard.  He looks so cute when he’s mowing the lawn….” (“That first interview went so well I’m going to drive over there during morning commute time.  I just want to plan my route to work for when I get the job.”)
• “Do you think it’s OK if I send a text message.  You know, just to see how he’s doing?” (“I haven’t heard anything and I wonder what’s up.  I’m not sure if I should call the recruiter.”)
• “Megan told Hailey who told Josh that he said he would be at the mall Friday night in the food court and he hoped I would be there.  Should I go?” (“I found the Human Resources Manager on LinkedIn; should I send an invite to connect?”)
• “Should I wear this outfit to the mall? It shows off the girls pretty well but I don’t want him to think I’m a skank.” (“Can I wear this to the interview?  Does it make me look fat?  I might have to go shopping…….”)

Enough to make any teenage girl, or job seeker, consume copious quantities of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.

Prom date optional.